A few years ago, where I was still in my first year level in college, we had this minor subject in school called "Introduction to Humanities". The subject is about learning the principles and cultures of every group of individuals living in the society. Though my classmates see this subject as one of the boring subjects we had for that semester, I really loved this subject and really paid attention for every class discussion. One time, our professor required us to draw something that would describe us as a person and must be presented in front of the class the next meeting. It was a sort of a simple project that I found so interesting since it would not require any mathematical analysis (yeah..that's right, I'm an Engineering student way back before and my world revolves in Math that time..hahaha.. some kind of relief..) Eager to work on that project, I decided to draw a Flame. I am not really good in sketching or drawing using Pastels so I was able to draw a "not-so-good" flame and also wrote an essay explaining my drawing at the back of it.
"The Flame of Ricky", the title of my project (though it sounded so odd, which was based from the title of an anime show from my childhood days) had somehow showcased both my artistic and writer sides. I even got a high grade for that project and was able to present it in front of my classmates and my professor. What I included on my essay about my drawing were the reasons why I choose Flame to describe me as a person. Here's an excerpt from that essay:
"..Like the flame which continues from burning and shining even though the wind blows it."
Of course, I was referring the wind to the difficulties I encountered on my journey. (Here's the catch! Unintentionally, my "rival" in our group had chosen the wind to describe him as a person and I'm not really aware about that so during our project presentation, we were both surprised to know that even for that simple project we still compete against each other.) I would say that writing that essay really motivated me to perform well and concentrate in my studies. Humbly speaking (not trying to boast..seriously), I'm in lined to those top students of our class who really excel in every subject. I used to be a shining flame way back before.
Few weeks ago, and five years after doing that project, while I was cleaning my room and throwing all those paper trash from school (thinking that I will not be using those school "leftovers" anymore because I just graduated already) I was surprised to see my "Flame of Ricky" project from the pile of papers kept inside a box. My drawing is still in tact and still looks the same as before. The essay written on its back is still readable that brings back those happy times of being a college freshmen. As I was reading it again, I just realized that the Ricky writing that essay and the Ricky reading it now are totally different persons. The old Ricky is full of passion and a fighter while the present Ricky is now turning to be someone who doesn't achieve well. The flame of me now is starting to burn out unlike the flame I had before. As time passed by, I started to realize that I'm not the Ricky who always excel and, who always achieve things just like before. What is left now is the Ricky who is just okay...not that worst but not even better. This realization had brought me this fear..fear of not shining and be neglected like the flame which is burning out and started to vanish. I just don't know how to figure out what must I have to do to keep my flame burning. I just hope that there must be something which will bring back the aggressive flame on me, something that will ignite again the flame of being me before it totally burned out...(--hoping--)
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